i should've seen just what was there and not some holy light
by crazyaboutthem
Summary: "If you had told her a year ago she would be crying on Santana Lopez's shoulder over a pregnancy test she would have laughed at you and would have been outraged."


**A/N: Hey guys! So I ****_loved _****yesterday's episode. I mean, Pezberry is amazing. I love it! As I said before, Hummelpezberry in NYC is the best thing that has happened on Glee... Anyways, just a little thing that crossed my mind. I hate seeing Rachel so lost. And guys, please note that this is purely FRIENDSHIP. There is NO ROMANCE here between Quinn, Rachel, Santana or Kurt. Also, I sort of neglected the whole Quinntana thing that happened on the wedding because Rachel doesn't know about it, and this is from her POV, and I think that as her friends, Quinn and Santana would put Rachel first. Anyways, I am sorry if there are any mistakes, I am really sleep deprived. Hope you like it! Enjoy :)**

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She's reading a book, relaxing at home. Brody came home right after she arrived from NYADA. She really didn't feel like talking to him, not after everything Santana had said, so she just kissed him and nodded when he announced he was getting a shower. It's not as if she believed Santana, but she just can't handle anymore stress right now. She's actually lost her reading by now, but who is she kidding? The book is merely a distraction or trying to be, because her mind has been working non stop since she took the test. She can't believe this is happening to her. This is not in her plan. When did everything change and just went to hell? How did this happen? This is not herself. This is not Rachel Berry. Oh God, her dads are going to be so disappointed. She knows they'll support her and won't disown her or anything, but still. She has to stop thinking about this or she'll start crying yet again.

Santana arrives home and she starts talking about finding her place and she really does not want to listen to this. Santana finds her place, Kurt finds a new boyfriend and she loses everything? How is that fair? And she really does not feel like listening to all of this Brody crap again, she's tired, she hasn't been sleeping well and she really doesn't know what to do. She just wants to go back in time, back before graduation when everything was so much simpler.

"Okay, look. Now that we're alone I wanna talk to you about what I found in your bathroom trash underneath all of that tissue paper you used, cotton swabs and the soiled acne wipes. An item which, unless Lady Hummel's actually been a lady all these years, could have only been yours", Santana says.

She can't know can she? Well obviously she can since she went through every drawer and apparently trash in the apartment. She decides to play dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about", she says, trying to sound as confident as she can, but she can feel herself breaking.

"Rachel. You're really not gonna tell me about the stick?"

She doesn't know what to say. She feels the tears welling up in her eyes again. "You had no right", she says, but she's losing it.

"Rachel I'm your friend, you can trust me, just tell me what's going on", Santana says.

And that does it. She loses it. She breaks down and starts crying. She tries to hide her face and Santana hugs her, which only makes her cry even harder. If you had told her a year ago she would be crying on Santana Lopez's shoulder over a pregnancy test she would have laughed at you and would have been outraged.

"Oh, God. You're gonna be okay, it's okay", she can hear Santana say. "It's gonna be okay"

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She's cried herself out. Santana is still hugging her. She sits up, her eyes red and puffy and Santana is looking at her. She warily offers her a tissue. Rachel tries to smile at her as she wipes her tears.

"When?", Santana whispers.

"I don't know", she whispers back.

Santana furrows her brow. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know. I guess I've been so busy with NYADA and dealing with Cassandra that I just forgot to take my pill", she says shrugging her shoulders. Santana nods and doesn't say anything for a while. Rachel knows she wants to ask. "I don't know", she answers to the unasked question.

Santana looks at her and doesn't say anything. Rachel just starts talking. "I slept with Finn at the wedding but the maths doesn't work out. I guess it only leaves Brody"

"What about when Finn came here before Thanksgiving?"

"I would be like five months along Santana, it's impossible"

Santana nods. "Okay, let's just relax okay? How long have you known?"

She sniffles. "About a week"

"And I'm the first to know?" Rachel nods. Santana gets up and goes over to her purse.

"Santana what are you doing?"

"I'm out of my league here Berry", she says as she walks over to the kitchen so Rachel can't hear.

Just as Rachel's about to protest Brody appears and sits next to her.

"Hey babe, you okay?", he asks slipping an arm over her shoulder.

Rachel tries to smile. "Yeah, I'm fine"

"You sure? You look like you've been crying", he says grabbing her chin and trying to take a good look at her face.

"I'm fine Brody", she says a bit more sternly.

He releases her face. "Okay"

Santana comes back into the living room. "Get out", she tells Brody.

Brody and Rachel gape at her. "What?" he asks.

"Get out, go to your room or whatever, I don't care, just leave me alone with Berry", she says.

"You know what Santana-", he starts.

"Brody, just go", Rachel interrupts him. Brody stares at Rachel, gets up and leaves to their room. "What were you doing? Who were you talking to?" Rachel asks Santana once Brody's gone.

"Nobody", Santana says shrugging as she plops down on the couch. Rachel stares at her. "Nobody Rachel, come on, let's watch something. I'll even put up with any of your Broadway shit you love so much"

Rachel sighs and decides to put on Funny Girl, it _is_ her favorite movie after all, and it will feel good to just get away from all the troubles in her mind right now.

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It's been about two hours since Funny Girl finished. She's reading a book and Santana is actually making dinner for once, when someone knocks on the door.

"Santana are you expecting someone?", she asks.

"Yeah, get it Berry, I'm kind of busy here!", Santana yells from the kitchen.

Rachel sighs and starts to get up. "You could have at least let me know Santana!"

Santana just ignores her as Rachel walks to the door.

Imagine Rachel's surprise when she opens the door to find none other that Quinn Fabray behind it.

"Quinn! What are you doing here?" Rachel asks her friend while hugging her and inviting her in.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? Why did you not call me sooner Rachel?" Quinn says looking at Rachel with a concerned look on her face.

Rachel sighs and turns over to Santana in the kitchen. "You told her?"

"I told you, I am out of my league here. I don't get why you didn't call her earlier. You email her every freaking week already", Santana answers, shrugging her shoulders.

"Seriously Rachel, what happened?", Quinn asks, sitting down on the couch.

"Look guys can we not talk about this right now?" Rachel pleads. Then she adds lowering her voice, "Brody is home"

"Look, dinner's ready. We're gonna have dinner right now only the three of us and then I'll take Brody out of the apartment cause you two have to talk and catch up, okay?" Santana says.

Rachel sighs, there's no arguing with her. "Okay"

And they sit and have dinner, reminiscing about old times, and about when they used to hate each other and laughing about it.

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Santana manages to get Brody out of the house and Quinn and Rachel are left to talk alone since Kurt is still at the movies with Adam.

Rachel tells Quinn everything, sleeping with Finn at the wedding, realizing she was late, the test, the theory of why it is Brody's, and of course she starts crying. It seems it's all she can do lately.

Quinn hugs her and comforts her and it feels nice having a friend. It feels nice having Quinn by her side, she's missed her.

"Rachel, you do know you can get a false positive do you?" Quinn asks her, looking at her carefully.

Rachel gapes at her. "What?"

"Yeah, these home tests are not 100% accurate. You need to go to a doctor to know for sure", Quinn answers as she rubs Rachel's back.

"I didn't know that", Rachel whispers. "I really can't go to a doctor Quinn, I don't have any money, and I can't ask my dads money for this. And I'm scared."

"Okay, relax. Look, I know where we can get money from and tomorrow we'll go to the doctor together, okay?"

Rachel nods and hugs Quinn. "Thanks Quinn. I really appreciate you doing this"

"I know. It's the least I could do", Quinn answers smiling.

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She's sleeping when she hears all the shouting.

"Get the fuck out of here you asshole!"

"What the hell's wrong with you?!"

"Oh, don't you play dumb with me, you fucking idiot! I followed you! I know you dirty little secret!"

_Oh, no._ Those are Santana and Brody. She looks at the clock and it's almost three am. She rubs her eyes and goes into the living room where she can see Quinn holding Santana back as she screams at Brody.

"What's going on here?" Rachel asks.

Three heads turn to look at her. _Wow_, Santana is _pissed_. Quinn is worried. And Brody is scared.

"I'll tell you what's going on Berry. I was wrong okay? He is not a drug dealer", Santana begins. "He's a fucking gigolo! That's where all the money came from! He's a fucking male whore!" and then resumes on yelling at Brody while trying to get out of Quinn's hold. "Get the fuck out of here!"

Rachel is too dumbfounded to speak.

Right then is when Kurt, who apparently had returned from his date with Adam, comes out of his room.

"What is happening?" he asks. Then he notices Rachel staring at Brody while tears start to well up in her eyes. He instantly hugs her and tries to take her back to her room, but she stops him.

"Is this true Brody?" she asks, her voice so low.

Brody looks at her pleadingly. "Rach, baby, let me explain it to you. It's not like that", he says.

"And how is it?" Rachel asks.

His silence is her answer. She turns around, walks back into her room and lies down on her bed crying. God how could she have been so _stupid?_ In every sense in her life right now. She can hear Santana still yelling at Brody and kicking him out.

Kurt comes into her room, lies down next to her and hugs her. She's sobbing because the potential father of her potential baby is a man whore.

"I'm pregnant", she sobs to Kurt. She can feel Kurt stiff. She doesn't raise her head, she can't look at him right now, she just hugs him tighter. After a few seconds she can feel Kurt start to rub comforting circles on her back and hush.

After everything turns quiet outside her room, which should mean Brody left, she feels the bed dip next to her and she knows Santana and Quinn are here as well. That's how she falls asleep, next to her three best friends.

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She wakes up the next day and she's alone in her bed. She goes to the kitchen and she sees Kurt, Santana and Quinn all making breakfast and laughing.

She sits down at the table in between Kurt and Quinn.

"Hey, Berry. I made pancakes", Santana says.

"Thanks Santana", she smiles. Quinn and Santana start talking about something that happened at the wedding or something and Kurt is looking at her. "Go ahead", she says. Quinn and Santana stop talking and look at her. "Go ahead, Kurt, ask me"

"All I wanna know is who and when. I do not wanna know the how", Kurt says.

Before Rachel can answer Quinn interrupts. "We don't know for sure yet. We're gonna find out today, right Rachel?" she looks at Rachel smiling. Rachel smiles back.

"Okay, if it is true, who and when", Kurt says.

"I don't know. I'm guessing it is Brody's, or it could be Finn's. I really don't know."

"Okay, it doesn't matter okay? Look, luckily today's Saturday, so we have the whole day to go to the hospital. Berry go get ready if you finished your breakfast", Santana says, clapping her hands.

Rachel chuckles and goes to her room to get ready, except Kurt follows her into her room.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks her.

"I don't know Kurt. I'm sorry. It wasn't you; I guess I was trying to deny it in some way. And I never would have said anything had it not been for Santana going through my bathroom trash", Rachel answers, sighing.

Kurt chukles, "Honestly that girl knows no limits"

Rachel smiles and Kurt hugs her.

Later, they're walking down the street, the four of them being guided by Quinn who knows where, because no matter how much they ask her she is not telling.

"Rach, are you okay with what happened with Brody?" Kurt asks.

"I really don't wanna talk about it right now Kurt. Let's just go through one problem at a time please", she begs and Kurt simple nods.

Finally they stop near a red brick building on 47th street.

"Quinn where are we?" Kurt asks her.

Before Quinn can answer, Rachel sees her on the steps of the building door. "No", she says, shaking her head.

"Rachel, give it a chance", Quinn begs.

"No, Quinn. Do you realize what you've done?" Rachel asks her.

"Look Rach, just hear her out, she just wants to help okay?" Quinn says grabbing Rachel's hands.

"Oh, now she wants to help", she says sarcastically.

But before she can walk out of there Shelby Corcoran is standing right in front of her. "Hello Rachel"

Rachel looks at Quinn and sees the begging look on her face. She takes a deep breath. "Hello Shelby. I'm sorry for disturbing you, we were just leaving", she says, turning around to get out of there, but before she can start walking Shelby grabs her arm.

"Rachel, please. I talked to Quinn, I know you're scared. I just want to help you. Please"

Rachel's eyes prickle with tears. How did she get here? God, she's _so lost_ right now. She takes another deep breath and turns to face Shelby. When she sets her eyes on Shelby she starts to think that maybe she's looking at her future and she starts crying. What if she never makes it because of this pregnancy?

Shelby hugs her. "Shh, sweetie, it's gonna be fine. Don't worry. It's all gonna be okay", she says rubbing her back.

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When she steps out of the doctor's office, Quinn, Kurt, Santana and Shelby get up to meet her.

"And? What did he say?" Kurt asks.

She sits down. "I'm not pregnant. I have anemia because of stress", she whispers.

She's shocked, but _oh so relieved_. She does _not_ need a baby right now.

"Are you okay?" Shelby asks her.

For the first time in a week Rachel smiles a real smile. "Yeah I'm fine. Can we go now? I'm tired and I need to get my prescriptions from the pharmacy", she asks.

"Of course", Shelby says.

After they get her prescriptions they say goodbye to Shelby.

"Thank you", Rachel says.

"Sure. I know we got off with the wrong foot Rachel but if you ever need anything don't doubt to call me, please", Shelby says smiling.

Rachel nods and hugs her. "I mean it Shelby. Thank you. I'll pay you back"

"It's fine. Don't. Bye Rachel", Shelby says as she waves at Kurt, Quinn and Santana.

"Bye Shelby", Rachel says.

After that they just go back to the apartment. First thing she does is pack all of Brody's stuff in a box and leave it outside the door. Later, when she's lying down on the bed she can hear him knocking and begging to enter and Santana kicking him out yet again. She smiles. She loves Santana. And Kurt. And Quinn.

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Despite all the stress this whole pregnancy debacle caused, she sees it as a wake up call. She's lost focus since she came to New York. She needs to be Rachel Berry the star, she needs to be herself again. So she throws away her eyeliner and eyeshadow. She keeps the clothes because Kurt would kill her if she started wearing animal sweaters and penny loafers and knee high socks again, but the important thing is that she's her old self again. She's focussing on NYADA and NYADA only, except when she's having a good time with Kurt or Santana or Quinn, when she comes by to visit. Don't get her wrong, her life isn't perfect, mostly because she's still as in love with Finn as she was when they sang Faithfully, but she understands that maybe they just need to grow apart so they can grow together. They need to follow their own dreams on their own so then they can follow their dreams as a couple together later. After all, they _are_ endgame.

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**A/N2: Hope you guys enjoyed. Please review and let me know :):)**


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